Day 20

John is  very ill.  Although the low dose chemo has knocked the tumors down, it has also knocked him down.  His white blood cell count is very low and they are concerned about infection.  His fever has gone which is an answer to prayer and a good sign.  We are waiting on a blood culture to come back this afternoon which may give us some answers as to what is going on in his body.  He has sores in his mouth and is often in so much pain he cries.  He is losing weight  because it is so painful to eat.  He is in isolation because his white count is so low.  I can go in if I have a robe, mask and gloves.
Johns sister Peggy Haden, is here with me and is extending her stay for another week...I am so grateful for her company. My heart is heavy...I am getting weary...BUT...
Through all this the Lord continues to draw us closer to Him and His presence is unmistakable.  His word is becoming more and more alive as we read and console one another.

Surely as You, O Lord of hosts, have thought, so it will be, and as You have purposed, so it will stand.  For You, Lord of hosts, have purposed, and who can annul it??  Your hand is stretched out, and who can turn it back?? Isaiah 43:24, 27

You, Lord God, give life to the dead and call into being things that do not exist. Romans 4:17

The whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name from You, the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. Ephesians 3:14-15

I will not lose heart: even though my outward self is perishing, yet  my inner self is being renewed day by day.  For this light affliction, which is momentary, is working for me a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory.  So I do not look at things that are seen but at the things that are unseen.  For the things that are seen are temporary, but the things that are unseen are eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:16-17

My citizenship is in heaven: from there I also eagerly await You, my Savior, Lord Jesus Christ.  You will transform my lowly body and conform it to Your glorious body by the power that enables You to subject all things to Yourself.  Philippians 3:20-21

I will be anxious for nothing, but in everything, by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, I will let my requests be known to You.  And Your peace O God, which transcends  all understanding, will guard my heart and my mind in Christ Jesus.  Philippians 4:6-7

And finally:

I will let YOUR peace, O CHRIST, to which I was called as a member of one body, rule in my heart, and I WILL BE THANKFUL!!! Colossians 3:15

May the Father be as real to you as He is to us in this moment...

Mary Linville